Conquering my fears

I remember my childhood days when I was scared to even stay in my bedroom alone.. and that too when I can hear my family in the next room. For some reason.. the concept of ghosts, demons and such scary beings always tormented me. I dont know when and where it started but as far as I can remember.. fear had a big part to play..

I read Bram Stoker's Dracula at a very young age.. and though it scared the hell out of me, I still couldn't stop reading it. It was rather funny that once I finished the book, I was too scared to be in the same room with the book. Somehow I got rid of it. Add to that.. my dad telling me.. "Dude.. dont read such books after sunset" and I had no other place to hide than under my blanket. Dracula still scares me, though the Coppola version made him a love sick vampire.. well looking back.. I wonder which one is more scary.. a love sick vampire or a vanilla vampire ? I will never know.

Fear..makes me think.. I was / am afraid of heights.. acrophobia ? but offlate I am not that sure.. If I am really that afraid of heights then why would I be not scared when I am in a jet and looking down ? Why would I be not scared at all when I look down from a skyscraper observation deck ? I am beginning to attribute it to the "self confidence" and "security" more than the height.. I will be scared if I am standing on a tall building with no walls to prevent me from jumping.. so I think it is more about how much confident you are that you wont jump. I dont know ..I must ask people who are scared of heights...

It occured to me that the very same house where I lived alone for a few months.. sometimes make me scared.. How many of us suddenly turn back to see whether someone is standing behind us ? I notice that fear is more associated with the dead and death more than the living.. unless of course if it is a whodunnit mystery.

What am I gonna do when I actually encounter a ghost or a vampire one day... ? I think about it at times.. do I just say ... ok.. fine.. so there you are.. I always knew you are gonna come.. and now what do you wanna do ? For those who really think that "not being able to cry or shout out loud when something scares the hell out of you is a myth" .. no it isnt.. I have experienced it... and it will scare you more that you cannot control yourself and shout or cry whatever. Basic design flaw from god..

Do people who believe in god/s also believe in demons ? I think it should be mandatory for them to believe in demons. So I guess a majority of people do believe that ghosts exist.

Oh jeez .. why did I write all this.. How am I going to sleep tonight ?